As I said in my userinfo, add me!  I don't care, maybe we can be friends!

I guess I'll use this post as a more thorough introduction then.

Hi, I'm 18, and I need a place to ramble on without annoying the hell out of my friend who have no interest in reading it.  And I'm not sure I'd want them to, so I won't bother them.

I like all sorts of alternative styles, romantigoth, steampunk, cyberpunk, anything interesting to look at, ect.  I may not wear any of aforementioned styles, but I do love the look.  I don't feel like talking about the style I DO wear, because frankly, waaaay too much drama in that comm, and I don't want to ACCIDENTALLY offend anyone by talking about the people I do and don't like.

And I don't really follow the whole "music comes before the clothing" thing, so don't expect me to know who's what exactly.  I just like music for what it sounds like - I honestly don't know how to categorize half the shit I listen to.  It's been kidna embedded into my head that music and fashion are two completely different things, so like I said, don't get offended if I don't know shit.  I just like what I like.

I do have a tendancy to talk too much.  At least, in real life.  Sometimes online.  But I do try and keep out of drama online - only because I can THINK before I type things.  In real life, I'm always taking a side.  It's rather annoying, I think, but I don't know... I've always told myself having SOME opinion was better than always being neutral.  I don't know if that's true or not, but it's alright.

I've gradually become more squeamish and paranoid in real life, whereas I'm more and more careless online.  Strange tradeoff, but no, I do no want to meet you anywhere. I'm not stupid.  Hell, you can't even be sure if I'm a guy or a girl.
I'm sure you can infer, as I think it'd be pretty obvious, but I'm neither confirming nor denying anything.

I hate the thought that I really have no use for my "friends".  I mean, it's high school.  We never really talk about anything important, and any time I let on how I might REALLY feel about something, they just get annoyed.
I mean, yeah I can understand thinking maybe I can be annoying at times, but she thinks things that aren't true.  I can even try and explain why something might upset me, but... its like she doesn't WANT to hear it, and I'm just being a whiny brat.
No, I don't care about being told my art needs work - I don't care about it, I'm just trying to pass now.  It's the fact that she's treating me like I can't HANDLE being told how to make it any better, like I'm overly emotional or something.
Now really, this from the woman who was surprised I ever smiled?  Whatever.
I just don't like being doubted to the point that she just assumes I don't do things the way I'm supposed to.
But of course, my friend just keeps insisting I'm "pissed because I got told it wasn't amazing".  Nothing I do in that class will ever BE amazing, nor do I care if it is.  I'm just trying to PASS.  I'm really getting to the point that I don't want anything to do with art after this.

But really, she just WILL NOT LISTEN.  And even with my other "friends", I can't talk about ANYTHING really if it's not within our usual common interests.  Simple things like "Wow, dreads are pretty kickass" just gets me a funny look.  So of course, I can't actually talk about anything of CONSEQUENCE.  It's just... ugh.  Unless it's talking about someone else, but then still, it's just like... shit.  I don't know.

I don't know why I bother.  It's not really a BENEFIT, and if I say anything they won't discuss, I just feel dumb.

Hmm... whatever.  I mean, I only have a few months left here, and I barely know these people.  I'm just absolutely SICK of my one friend and her ridiculous thing about "Pinoy pride" or whatever.  I mean, yeah sure, do what you want, but does EVERY conversation with our other friend have to be about "how we pinoy do it"?  I'm just left smiling, nodding, not really caring, and getting slightly annoyed.  Do THEY have anything else in common other than swapping stories about "I told them I was Chinese, and they BELIEVED it"?
Fuck. High. School.
Fuck stupid friends.  I mean, I'd love to say I wish I had my old friends from back home, but that would be worse - they know TOO much about me, and generally hate me as a result.  Making amends hasn't really worked, so I really wish I could just have someone I could have a REAL discussion with.  About ANYTHING.
Which, I mean, I DO, but being halfway around the world doesn't really do much good sometimes.

...when your confidante suddenly feels like your school counselor, or just the total.... opposite of what you remember.  Like she doesn't understand anymore.

I feel sick...